I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
