He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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