I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
