look no pants
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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