Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
