After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
