Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
