He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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