FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
