i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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