I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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