Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
