im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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