Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
