no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
