i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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