peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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