All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize