Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
