HIV tests are more positive than that guy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
