You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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