Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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