She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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