oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
