she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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