It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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