this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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