So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
