If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
