I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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