I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
