I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
