Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
