she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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