i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
