if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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