this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
