Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
