i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
