God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize