got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
