I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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