After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
