if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
no you cant smoke seaweed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
