I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
