Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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