the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
