I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
