i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
