If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
