anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
be right there i have to get my cape
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
