I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We're using joints as your birthday candles
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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