Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
pop tarts are not kleenex
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
