He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
