as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No subtext here. People are naked.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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