Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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