i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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