On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Did I show you my penis last night?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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