She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
