rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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