he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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