one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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