Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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