Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
