I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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