I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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