I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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