I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
