Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do vagina's smell?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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