No more Irish car bombs ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
