i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will be naked everywhere
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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