I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
