If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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