thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
