Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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