I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
