hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
