I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
