I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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