Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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