Cold hands, warm shart.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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