I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize