I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
