you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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