Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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