Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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