I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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