To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
